dream dress.

http://www.dynamite.ca/ProductsDetail.aspx?pId=20984&pfId=78

I am so obsessed with this dress from Dynamite. I can’t justify buying it since I’m an EXTREMELY POOR student, but I saw it at the mall on Friday and I can’t for the life of me stop thinking about it!! I have a few holiday parties to go to and I think it would be the most perfect dress to strut my stuff in. Looks like I’ll have to pick something “old” from my own closet though. Sigh. Life goes on, I guess. If anyone knows how to grow money on trees, let me know ASAP. Or maybe just mention to my lovely boyfriend that this dress is ALL I want for Christmas. Another. Big Sigh.

my best friend.

My mom is my absolute, most favourite person in the world.

When I visit home, we start gabbing and we JUST CAN’T STOP.  We talk about everything under the sun and we laugh until our cheeks hurt.

She is so smart, so beautiful, and so funny…and she doesn’t even realize it.

She is the best mom anyone could ask for, and one day will make an amazing grandma.

I hope one day I can become the kind of woman that she is.  I love her with all of my heart, and I’m proud to say that she is my best friend.

the definition of beauty.

beau·ty: a combination of qualities such as shape, colour, or form that please the aesthetic senses, especially the sight.

synonyms: loveliness, belle, fairness, prettiness.

I googled “definition of beauty” and the above is what I found. REALLY? Someone needs to change this because it makes me sad.

All my life, I’ve struggled with the idea of what “beauty” is and whether I fit into its definition or not. Based on the definition above, no wonder I struggled with it so much. By age six, I had coke bottle glasses and a mushroom cut. In elementary school, I wore my brother’s hand-me-downs. Needless to say, my early years were rough. I was teased as a kid for a few reasons, but my looks were one of them. Even one of my brothers made me feel like I wasn’t beautiful. To this day, I still remember what he said to me as I posed for a picture that my grandpa was taking. He said, “You could never be a model”. He probably doesn’t remember saying this, but it’s stuck with me for eleven years.

I accepted the fact that I would never be a model early on. In addition to the teasing, the magazines I bought also gave me some pretty big clues that I was not the world’s definition of beautiful (anyone remember Tiger Beat or J14??). The female celebrities in these magazines were what I considered perfect. Every single one of them was skinny, tall, had big boobs, flawless hair, clear skin, and trendy outfits. By grade six, I began striving to be as close to “beautiful” as I could be.

Miraculously, my eyes healed by grade six and I didn’t have to wear glasses anymore. This was very exciting for me. On the first day of grade six, one of my guy friends said “Wow, you look different than last year!”. This is another comment I still remember because it was a monumental moment. I finally felt like I was beautiful…or at least a little closer to it.

Once I was in high school, I realized that being pretty or beautiful wasn’t the only thing I needed . I realized that I needed to have a good personality and maybe a little bit of charm to make it through life. I learned this through job interviews and more importantly, trying to win over boys! As much as I strived to be a good person with lots of personality and charm, it was still always in the back of my mind that I needed to be beautiful. I spent most of my money on clothes, makeup, tanning minutes, and getting my hair done.

As I moved through life, more and more people began commenting on how “pretty” I was and some people still say that I “blossomed later on in life”. I used to CRAVE these kinds of words.

Now that I’m almost 25, my definition of beauty does not match what I used to think it was. Through my life experience, I’ve met women who are stunningly beautiful on the outside, but are beyond ugly on the inside. And I’ve met women who would never be considered beautiful based on their looks, but have the warmest, most beautiful souls. This is what I strive to be. I have a huge love for fashion and makeup (hello, Pinterest!), but all I want to be is a beautiful person on the inside. If I ever have a daughter, I want her to be proud of me, and I want to instil in her that she is beautiful, no matter what people or society tell her. I don’t want her to go through the same struggles as I did.

So let’s change the definition of beauty. How about this?

beau·ty: a combination of qualities such as kindness, grace, or unconditional love that especially please the heart and soul.
XOXO
Chelsea

learning to say “yes”.

I ALMOST missed out on a pretty cool opportunity.

Recently, my PR class was challenged by a local radio station to create a “Gangnam Style” video that would be better than the one McMaster University made. I wasn’t crazy about the idea. I felt that none of us would have the time to make a good-quality video and to be completely honest I found the song super annoying. I decided to show up to the first meeting anyway just to see what it was all about, but I had already made up my mind that I would probably back out of the whole thing. I was convinced that the entire idea was going to be a bust.

To my surprise, there was a lot of excitement and good energy at the first meeting. Tons of ideas were flowing and I actually started to feel excited about it. I suddenly wanted to be a part of it and I decided that I could put my personal opinions aside about the song and jump into this creative project feet-first. I am in public relations and marketing, after all.

Then I did something bad. I missed a few of the meetings. It wasn’t by choice, but it happened. One meeting happened on a day that I didn’t have class. One meeting happened when my mom was in the city from out of town for her birthday and a couple meetings happened when I was so sick that I thought I was dying. I missed a lot of information and planning at those meetings. Before I knew it, I had no idea what was happening for the video. Suddenly I felt out of the loop and completely left out.

The group, which contained my good friends from class, would continue to meet and I never knew when or where they were meeting. Instead of me being upset that I was no longer involved in the project, I was upset that I was no longer able to hang out with my friends. They were meeting at lunch, after school, and everywhere in between. I felt like I was back in junior high again and I had been kicked out of the group of popular girls. I decided I was no longer going to be a part of the video.

After a few mini-tantrums at home and a (figurative) slap in the face from the love of my life, I realized that I was being a gigantic baby. I decided that the only way I could hang out with my friends again was to jump back into the project.

So I did. I put in a lot of effort to be a part of posting the flyers, social media promoting, and helping out with the filming. And it was SO FUN. I stopped worrying about being “part of the group” and put my efforts into the video.

I learned through this experience that I sometimes still have the mindset of a ten year old girl and that I need to stop being so freakin’ paranoid. As a twenty-something year old, I need to not take things so personally and look at the big picture. It was a big lesson to learn. But the biggest lesson I learned was that I need to say YES to certain things, or else I might really, really miss out on something spectacular.

So, now I’m going to start saying “Yes” more often.

XOXO
Chelsea